Live Long and Wash Up
Griffin is obsessed with living a long life. He has determined that he will live to 93. This, according to him, is not a goal. Rather it is a forgone conclusion. I hope he’s right. The interesting part is he seems to eschew conventional wisdom as to how one reaches a ripe old age.
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Forget Jack LaLanne’s suggestions to eat right and exercise. This is a partial list of the steps Griffin has taken to ensure his prediction comes true.
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~Never, ever speak about Emergency Rooms.
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~Always hold hands in parking lots.
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~Do not eat raw or undercooked foods. Including fruits and vegetables. Interestingly, Pop-Tarts get a pass on this one.
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As rational as these may appear, his newest rule is a bit perplexing.
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Recently he has been using Lil Sis’ hand me down iTouch to watch old episodes of Jimmy Neutron. Since he is 15, we figured it was okay for him to learn how to charge the device on his own. Up until now, Griffin has treated electrical outlets and cords much like the Russians treat Chernobyl. He keeps a wide berth.
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Being the excellent parents we are, we told him that whenever he plugs something into a wall outlet, he must make sure there is no water around and that his hands are completely dry. Fair enough. As he is wont to do, he has taken the recharging safety precautions a couple of steps further.
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Before he plugs anything into an outlet, Griffin grabs a hand towel and rubs his hands so dry they look like baby pigs when he is done. Then he dries them a bit more before plugging the device in. As soon as contact is made and charging has begun, he runs, as though his hair is on fire, to wash his hands. Like Lady Macbeth or a surgeon in pre-op.
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He then finds either me or Mrs. Big Daddy and asks;
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“I am still alive?”
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Sometimes I tell him, “No” or pretend I cannot see or hear him. But usually I just confirm that charging his iTouch has not proved fatal. This time.
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We are not sure why compulsive hand washing has become part of the process. Maybe he thinks he needs to wash the electricity off his hands? In any event, once he’s done with the scrub down, second mega dry off, and confirmation that he is still among the living, the device is usually charged and the entire process starts anew when he goes to unplug it from the wall.
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Seems like an awful lot of work to me. But I guess living to 93 takes some diligence. Beats the hell out of diet and exercise.
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© 2013, Big Daddy. All rights reserved.
Papa Bear
January 22nd, 2013 at 9:52 pm #
Ah, yes, hand-washing. At least this was one of GL’s quirky habits that did not bother us too much. Until he started scrubbing them till they bled. His doctor put him on a medication that eliminated this compulsion. Unfortunately, he abruptly stopped washing his hands. Ever. He seems unable to see or feel peanut butter, jelly, dirt, and even more disgusting things on his hands, even in layers a quarter-inch thick. Since one of his favorite foods (and one of the few he can prepare independently) is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and since he gets rather messy in the process, his hands are sticky most of the time. Since he steadfastly refuses to wash them, the countertops, cupboard handles, doorknobs, walls, and floors, in short, every surface he touches, are sticky, too. We try to clean up behind him, but we can’t keep up.
Since he is a compulsive rule-follower, provided the rule doesn’t conflict with his own inexplicable code of conduct, I sought a rule that would minimize, or at least partially contain, the mess. I hit on one: requiring him to use a plate for his peanut butter sandwiches. It took a while, but once it was established in his mind as a rule, he wouldn’t think of having a sandwich without one. This has contained the mess somewhat—less jelly makes it to the floors, walls, and doorknobs, but the mess on the countertops and cupboard handles remains about the same—but now, every time he makes a sandwich, he spreads peanut butter down the rims of all the clean plates stacked in the cupboard while selecting one for his sandwich.
Jacquie
January 23rd, 2013 at 10:35 am #
You MUST shuffle across a rug when he’s in the midst of this task one day and give him a static shock.
recording it would be a bonus.
Danale's Ramblings
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:42 pm #
This made me laugh hysterically, so endearing.
Shawn
January 23rd, 2013 at 4:09 pm #
Cracking up!!!! That boy always makes me smile!
Cathy K
January 25th, 2013 at 12:35 am #
LOL! I would insert a witty comment here, but quite honestly I’m laughing so hard I can barely type. I love Griffin’s life strategies. And I hope he enjoys every bit of those 93 years of diligence!
Karen V.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:08 pm #
You are so evil pretending he is not there!
I can just picture his face. As for 93? Remember George Burns? Don’t think he paid much attention to diet and exercise either.
k.d.
January 29th, 2013 at 11:18 am #
Yep, compulsive handwashing here (even if there has been an audible cough somewhere in the building, we BOLT for the nearest sink!), as well as fear/awe/wonderment at electrical outlets (staring at them, as if in a trance, asking repetitively “if I touch those I will die?”). But the two quirks have not joined, as yet. I had to dig out the old baby safety gear for the electrical outlets just as a precaution.
Wendy
February 6th, 2013 at 9:36 pm #
Ohhh, I am so very new to the blogging world, but after randomly coming across this post, I went back and read a TON of your archives, then bought the book. Griffin sounds a LOT like my son, Anderson. He’s only 3, but he’s already on the elevator track, and says things that sound so Griffin-esque. I appreciate your style and take on special-needs parenting–it very much like ours. Feel free to check out my newbie blog.