Big Daddy Autism

I’ve mentioned before how nosey Griffin can be.  However, I’m not sure I’ve described how truly ineffective he is at eavesdropping.  Every time he butts into a conversation or thinks he’s overheard something of interest to him he’s usually so far off the mark that the original conversation just screeches to a halt and everyone is left befuddled or laughing hysterically.

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For some reason, he thinks that whenever Mrs. Big Daddy and I are speaking to each other, one on one, we are always talking about selling our house and moving.  We are not.  No matter how many times we reassure him that we like where we live and we have no intention of moving, he still thinks nearly every conversation we have in private is about relocation and he inevitably panics.

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Other times, he is convinced that everyone in the world shares his interest in elevators, traffic lights, Wilford Brimley, and Kermit the Frog.  So it should come as no surprise that when the Big Daddy Clan was entertaining an old college buddy and the discussion somehow turned to fast food jingles from the 1970s and 1980s Griffin gleefully thought he heard that the last ingredient in a Big Mac was a “Sesame Street Bun.”  He couldn’t stop giggling as he repeatedly sang,

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“On a Sesame Street Bun!!”

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What a perfect world!  Now Griffin believes that one of his favorite foods on earth comes on a bun which, obviously, is baked somewhere on his favorite street in the world.

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Note:  I was going to end this post with a joke about Elmo and “special sauce” but I just couldn’t.  I respect Big Mac’s too much.

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I’ve mentioned before how Griffin is like my personal paparazzi / stalker.  He is overly interested in every move I make.  Considering my size, I don’t make many moves.  Nonetheless, Griffin is on me like a bad toupee.   Everything is scrutinized, questioned, and announced.  Even my trips to the potty.

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On one recent bathroom excursion, I happened to burp, cough, and fart all within about five seconds.  This rare Trifecta felt great, but I knew it would not go unnoticed.  Upon seeing me exit the bathroom, Griffin exclaimed,

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“Oooooh! You were busy in there!!”

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Griffin’s strange and unhealthy preoccupation with everything I do continues.  I travel through life with my very own paparazzi, biographer,  and narrator.  Every move  I make is closely scrutinized, questioned, and then announced.  Even a trip to the potty doesn’t go unnoticed.

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Griffin:   ”Where you going, Daddy.”

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Me:  “To the bathroom.  I’m going to the bathroom.”

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Griffin:  “Are you sure?”

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Me:  “Yeah.  I’m fairly certain.”

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Griffin:  “Is it important?”

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Me:   ”Um, it gets more and more important every second I stand here talking to you.”

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Griffin:  “Enjoy your bathroom, Daddy.”

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You don’t want me to tell you about the conversation we had upon my return from the restroom.  Rest assured, we had one and it was pretty in depth.

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